will, be sincere with me as I am with you.1097
It is clear that the family style takes on different accents as required by the disciplinary needs which
different educational contexts presented. Practically speaking, most of the indications mentioned by
Don Bosco had to do w ith Valdocco, or the Oratory for outsiders during the early years, and the
hospice in later years, and often and particularly with the academic student section.
One of the main results achieved through a family -like regime was to surmount, and not just
the oretically, the contrast between authority and consensus, two essential features of education.
Obedience in the house is adherence to an objective order which involves the so -called "superiors" and the so -called ''inferiors" without drawing distinctions be tween them, and guarantees a harmonious and
industrious living together. In practice, the two different 'orders' create no problems when everyone
feels bound to follow the common rule of life.
Once the tension between authority and obedience is overcome by adhering to a common rule, then we
have created a suitable condition for changing the family atmosphere into an effective and habitual
‘familiarity’! This is the specific task of the educators as they relate to their pupils but also expected of the life-style of the pupils as they relate to one another when they live together.
There is a message for the educators in particular, in Don Bosco's letter dated May 10, 1884. As we have mentioned, Fr John Baptist Lemoyne wrote it but Don Bosco himself inspired it, when
reminiscing nostalgically, as he was wont to do on how things worked at the hospice in Valdocco during the first 15 years of its existence.
"Our beloved Father cannot hold any conversation without reminiscing on the heroic times at the Oratory”, writes Lemoyne from Sampierdarena on April 8, 1884 to a Salesian from Turin.1098He rightly refers to the familiarity which was a way of breaking down the barrier of mistrust which had been unconsciously erected between the young and their educators, who were considered as superiors and no longer fathers, brothers and friends, and therefore more feared and less loved. This familiarity is especially to be in evidence when the spontaneity of communal living is at its best: recreation time.
...Familiarity with theboys especially at recreation time. Without familiarity love is not
shown and if love is not shown, then there cannot be trust. Whoever wants to be loved,
must show that he loves. Jesus Christ became little with the little and bore all our
infirmities. Here you have the master of familiarity.1099
Nothing else is left but to revitalize the old system of total availability of the educators and this is the
real meaning of familiarity in its widest connotation: total availability to the requests of the young.
1100
The young for their part will not fail to respond with warm trust. This is precisely what the letter Fr
Michael Rua read out at Valdocco, said. It was addressed to them: “If you want to have unity of heart and soul, you've got to break down the fatal barrier of mistrust and let in a heartfelt trust”.1101 The climate of authentic familiarity will enhance fraternal friendship among the boys. In fact, even though Don Bosco showed mistrust of 'particular friendships', which he considered ambiguous and murky, and heoften denounced these in his educational efforts, he celebrated friendship. Friendship may be a spontaneous and powerful means for cultural and religious growth.
In the first book he published, the Life of Luigi Comollo, Don Bosco sketched out a brief but true
1097 MB VII 503. The text is taken up again, according to Fr Lemoyne, in a diary entry by John Bonetti. We have not
found it.
1098 Cf. 'Due lettere datate da Roma...', in P. Braido (Ed.), Don Bosco educatore..., p. 351.
1099 Due lettere datate da Roma..., n P. Braido (Ed.), Don Bosco educatore..., p. 383-384
1100 Due lettere datate da Roma..., in P. Braido (Ed.), Don Bosco educatore..., pp. 385-386.
1101 Due lettere datate da Roma..., in P. Braido (Ed.), Don Bosco educatore..., pp. 374.